Pants and what is 'known'?

I want to tell you a story but will this forum be able to handle it?
Recently, she who must at least be listened to, purchased two pairs of pants pour moir. Later that day I decided to try them on. Divesting myself of my soiled ragged pair I slipped gracefully into one of the new pair. They almost made me purr with delight. Smooth, silky, they hugged my legs and buttocks with a fondness only distant memories usually aroused. I espied the rounded pertness of my buttocks in the bedroom mirror. Almost adonis like. Then I looked down for the fly, which as you men will know, is a vital accoutrement for the passing of bodily fluids no longer required. Sure enough a small flap of material indicated its position. I reached down with my left hand and drew the material aside. I was a bit surprised when I found another flap of material on the inside. Not unduly disconcerted I reached down with my right hand thrust it inwards and drew aside the second flap to uncover - my navel. Now you chaps will know that the male appendage does not protrude outwards from the navel. For those not offay with 'positionings' the usual position lies somewhat ground-wards from that point. I have already used both my hands on the flaps, which I am holding akimbo after a scissor-like motion and that which I seek is somewhere down-wards and, at my age, refusing to come 'up-wards' by sheer will power alone. Using one hand to spread the tight material I reach down and around, extract the appendage and make the mistake of releasing my grip on the flaps. Had the flaps had metal edges I would have lost it there and then. My point of the story is this - - . Which idiot thinks a fly hole should be level with one's belly-button. And do they think all old aged British men grow extra bloody hands?
I'm taking advice ( and nerve pills) from anyone who can help or has experienced a similar purchase.

Please do tell.

I thought you were too old to pee standing up Atlas....

Atlas: I can't stop laughing

Flaps were a "modesty" provision inside outerwear pants, mainly for the gentry in times past, in case one forgot to zip or button up. I know you've gone up in the world, but ...

Irishman wrote:I thought you were too old to pee standing up Atlas....

Oooo. You are naughty - but I like you Irishman.

As a matter of information. I recently won a 'Twisting' competion at a town dance and am well known for my
gyrations at Baldy Con Club (which I visit when coming over to the Dale). Old I might be. Knackered I'm certainly not - and don't intend to be - ever.

I wear long johns Mojo Hill (to which I was referring) not pants as in 'trousers' - ! Although I do wear them as well They have zips on. I can handle zips, although I do have to remember to remove my appendage from the track of the teeth first. Why do they think a 'fly' level with the belly button is of any bloody use at all? Are they deformed in other countries - or - are we British better positioned than most? Hmmm?

Atlas wrote:Why do they think a 'fly' level with the belly button is of any bloody use at all? Are they deformed in other countries - or - are we British better positioned than most? Hmmm?

If your underpants were constructed in a factory in a remote area of China it is possible they were designed for the western market by people who have never seen a westerner close up and imagine they are rather different. I have seen jumpers constructed like that, with large bodies and tight little arms.
Or, you may have noticed electronic gadgets now come in boxes with complicated origami type flaps that have to be patiently unfolded. Possibly a packaging designer was demoted from packaging, and put on designing underpants.

Atlas wrote:
I wear long johns Mojo Hill (to which I was referring) not pants as in 'trousers' - ! Although I do wear them as well They have zips on. I can handle zips, although I do have to remember to remove my appendage from the track of the teeth first. Why do they think a 'fly' level with the belly button is of any bloody use at all? Are they deformed in other countries - or - are we British better positioned than most? Hmmm?

Atlas: I've done some research with the 'Fly Fishing' federation.


It's a sign of the times. Like some modern underwear, jeans and trousers, designs are moving to a status commonly known as mid-rise. The intention is that the clothing falls right on your hips, so a historic waistbelt would now gird your hips.


The good news is that the contour pouch and flap mechanism will keep you lifted through even the longest workday.