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Tales o' de sea

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Tales o' de sea Empty Tales o' de sea

Post  Aqualung Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:44 pm

So whut all dis i bin a'hearin' of den? I turns my back for five godamned minites an' dat Stinkerbell gwain musselin in on my own territory innit! Her a pertennin' to go down to welcome in dat ole' ship wid de kwire n'all.

Oh yes, "I jess a gwain to see some 'ole frens whut live close to de sea." she a tellin' me. Nex ting yo' know, she struttin' her wares wid de matelots down at de docks wheer I has so many good frens longtime innit.

She claimin' she doin' a solo. I sho' 'nuff bet she wuz. De pure nerve 'o dat woman ain all de time de alleged husband him out o' de country in Amsterdam or Columbia or sum'tin sechlike.

I likes de bit about her doin de evenin' tour o' de dockyard wid de padre. I jess bet she did n'all. Who she tink she a'kiddin? Dat ole 'padre' him bin pullin' dat 'man o' de cloth' stunt fo' years. Him been defrocked t'ree times to my sartin nolidge innit. Him knows all 'bout de golden rivit sho' 'nuff.

Ain anodder ting, whut dis noo forum all 'bout innit. I hopin' dey allow me to advertise de Lurve Shack. I mannige to git it registeered as de charity on 'count o' some nice gennlemun down at de Charity Commishunners whut I has a l'il unnerstannin' wid.

http://www.rochdaleonline.co.uk/news-features/2/news-headlines/72976/hms-middleton-comes-home-to-a-rousing-musical-welcome
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Post  Admin Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:48 pm

Whilst we welcome posters old and new, we would respectfully ask that they try to submit their contributions in plain English.

Thank you.
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Post  Aqualung Sun Sep 09, 2012 3:58 pm

Sorry I spoke innit!
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Post  Hinch Sun Sep 09, 2012 4:31 pm

Welcome Aqua. Don't be so quick to take the huff. I'm sure that most of us posters find your contributions amusing albeit barely comprehensible at times.

Go easy on Tinkerbell. She means well even if she is a little 'theatrical' at times.
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Post  teamplayer2 Sun Sep 09, 2012 5:21 pm

OH AQUA WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN MY LOVE. What a Face
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Post  southernbelle Sun Sep 09, 2012 5:32 pm

You just ignore that "Admin" chappie Aqua, we are happy you found us. And I for one look forward to the adverts for the Lurve Shack. drunken
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Post  Aqualung Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:03 pm

I wuz gonna start off wid advertisin' de 'Buy One, Gits One Free' week but dat Big Ruby say I alreedy conned her into workin' a week in hand ain she ain't fallin' fo' dat ole' trick agin. She say she misunnerstan' de meanin' o' 'in hand' whut gits her off to de bad start wid de dibble ain de Tradin' Stannards'.

She gittin' mitey sassy dat Big Ruby. She need takin' down a peg o' two innit.

If'n she weren't so pop'lar wid de firemen, I'd be givin' her de P45. (Well I would do if she was offishully on de books if'n yo' takes my meanin'.)

I had dat ole' Border Control Agensy roun' de odder day. Luckily I keeps de passports well hidden. Dey soon left emty-handed... after Big Ruby gave dem de demonstration o' de 'Hot Diggety Dawg' one-handed massage ain' de practical class in de jacussi.

Now if'n yo' 'scuse me, I has a big Masonic do next week as dey is inductin' de noo Worshipful Master. Dey all be deer in dere funny aprons ain silly han'shakes. I jess cain git my head roun' it all. Luckily dat Big Ruby can. .
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Post  teamplayer2 Sun Sep 09, 2012 7:49 pm

STILL NOT SPEAKING AQUA DEAR. No bounce pirat Suspect Rolling Eyes
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Post  Tinkerbell Sun Sep 09, 2012 8:43 pm

Jealousy gets you nowhwere Aqua. Though I have been told you have many "talents" singing is clearly not one of them. and I sang two solos, not one.
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Post  Charly Sun Sep 09, 2012 9:59 pm

Glad to see you made it Aqua, still smarting about you running off from customs in Belgium and leaving me to carry the can but I suppose I'll be able to forgive you...in time!
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Post  Tinkerbell Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:07 pm

From waht i heard she left you to carry several cans, and a few bottles as well!
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Post  Charly Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:12 pm

It wasn't the booze that was the problem...more the 'herbal cigarettes' in the one too many bags...'oh just grab this for me while I get the others' ...yeah right, once bitten and all that.
Mind you the prison was quite nice and I did manage to get out after 3 nights as Aqua had a certain influence with the governor nudge nudge wink wink
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Post  Tinkerbell Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:21 pm

So much for the Spice Trail
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Post  Jeanie Sun Sep 09, 2012 10:39 pm

Thank goodness you are back so need some treatment Embarassed
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Post  Aqualung Mon Sep 10, 2012 12:32 pm

Tinkerbell wrote:Jealousy gets you nowhwere Aqua. Though I have been told you have many "talents" singing is clearly not one of them. and I sang two solos, not one.

Wheer I come from honey, two solos = a duet.

Dem poor sailors commin' home from de long tour in de gulf, de lass ting de is a'wantin' is some ole peroxide blonde screechin' at dem on de keyside.

I know whut it is dat dese 'hungry' sailors need an' it ain't some Kathryn Jenkins wannabee. I cain' say exacly whut requiremints dey have on dis fambly forum but it a longtime fambly bizness ain I ain' about to give away de franchise fo' nuttin.

No offence innit.

As fo' dat Jeanie, yes, yo' sho' need some work doin' but de lass cheque you sen' me from de Libbie Demmie HQ bounced mo' times dan Cyril Smith fallin' down de Town Hall steercase.

I only takin' up front cash on de barrel in future.
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Post  Tinkerbell Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:21 pm

Ignorance showing through Aqua. Ms Jenkins is a Mezzo Soprano and I am a Soprano. A difference in tessitura.
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Post  Charly Mon Sep 10, 2012 8:32 pm

Tessitura..is she related to tesse o'shea? Very Happy
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Post  Tinkerbell Mon Sep 10, 2012 9:42 pm

Her Italian sister!
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Post  teamplayer2 Tue Sep 11, 2012 7:07 pm

Tinkerbell wrote:From waht i heard she left you to carry several cans, and a few bottles as well!

Now what I have been told this is nothing new Tinkerbell. drunken Smile
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