Coming to terms with an unpleasant shock

How do you realise and accept that someone you thought you knew well, worked with and admired for a long time is in fact a paedophile? There must be many people out there who find themselves in that position, in reference to both JS and CS. Their family members too must be shocked and distressed beyond words. The "perps" are no longer around to take the flack and remaining family must fear the spotlight being turned on them by the media.

You are only ever responsible for your own morals and conduct -NEVER anyone else's. The family that maintains it doesn't have skeletons in their cupboards are either deluding themselves or lying. Sins of the fathers etc is rubbish as are all the other archaic beliefs and are only ever used to purposely hurt (which in itself shows a disturbed mind) or for some form of self-gain or gratification. Genetics are proving that such traits or shameful behavior are NOT transferable but the result of personal birth genes or acquired from some form of nurturing. The 'Smith' family may have revelled in one of their members reaching such dizzy heights and may well have used such to better their own personal standings. If so it is only natural. But having taken the good they will now have to live with the bad. But it doesn't reflect on them personally unless they wish it to do so. Do I have sympathy? Well I knew the brother - and I will leave it at that.

I remember great words of wisdom from my father regarding charity, “if two or more know what you do for charity, then you do it for the wrong reasons” He was a very fit man and a soldier and he did a lot for charity but few knew that, wasn’t something he talked about through his life. I found out about it through pure chance and questioned him on it, that was his response.

Whatever the individuals reasons, if the charity benefits, can the reason be wrong? Admittedly to be constantly hearing of anothers goodness is irritating...

Rod performed at the last charity event I went to with Jeanie and a few others...we had a great night!

southernbelle wrote:Whatever the individuals reasons, if the charity benefits, can the reason be wrong? Admittedly to be constantly hearing of anothers goodness is irritating...

Not if the children you're "helping" are being abused between charity gigs SB.

That of course is entirely true, I was thunking more of the motives of self aggrandisement or "trumpet blowing"!! But then again I suspect you knew I meant that

I know what you are saying Southernbelle. Finding out things in your own family does come as a shock but all you can do is try and do the best with your own family and protect them if needed and hope time heals if at all.

Very good post from you.

Charly wrote: Rod performed at the last charity event I went to with Jeanie and a few others...we had a great night!

We certainly did have a brilliant night Charly Rod put on a great show for Catherine my sister-in-law keeps asking when the next night out is ? I think she wants to be a table 12er

Jeanie wrote:

Charly wrote: Rod performed at the last charity event I went to with Jeanie and a few others...we had a great night! :drunken: :cheers:

We certainly did have a brilliant night Charly Rod put on a great show for Catherine my sister-in-law keeps asking when the next night out is ? I think she wants to be a table 12er :D :lol!:

What has this got to do the thread? "Coming to grips with an unpleasant shock" in the light of recent events should be treated with greater respect.

Who are you, the thread police?
There were 2 or 3 posts deviating from the subject before my post and i wasnt the first one to mention Rod

Charly wrote: :lol: Who are you, the thread police?
There were 2 or 3 posts deviating from the subject before my post and i wasnt the first one to mention Rod

There are some threads deserving respect because of their subject. You and some others clearly do not think so.
The last comment was from Jeannie not you.

so the light needs shining into all the dark corners...

Once you investigate, you can;t really put the carpet back and sweep the dirt back underneath it.

Life throws many things at us all one of the hardest things is hearing something we know nothing about either as a family or as a friend.
Then dealing with it in our own way !

I have been down that road many years ago and was judged by some as "should have known" as a family member ! I didn't but dealt with it but it didn't stop some from judging me on something they knew nothing about other than their own opinion
I came through it and my thoughts go with Cyril s family.

The abuse, one way and the other of people 'in care', whether children, the elderly (or hospital patients, as in the news recently) is frighteningly routine. There was an interview on radio recently of a woman who felt she was treated 'with contempt' when she was ill in hospital, and dreading becoming ill again and going back in. It does happen all the time, wants sorting out.

cyfrifia wrote:The abuse, one way and the other of people 'in care', whether children, the elderly (or hospital patients, as in the news recently) is frighteningly routine. There was an interview on radio recently of a woman who felt she was treated 'with contempt' when she was ill in hospital, and dreading becoming ill again and going back in. It does happen all the time, wants sorting out.

People going into these places now and in the future will be shaking in their boots at the prospect of care in our society and what they may face, bad enough having the ordeal of going into care now they must fear the worst, they'll shoot me first.

If there was not so much opportunity and acceptance of abuse of all kinds in 'care' situations, we might have less damaged and resentful people and fewer families of abusers and abused upset.

What to do about it? Put decent and aware people in management positions, any other ideas?